Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? Are you the uber-romantic type that looks forward to Valentine’s Day every year? Or maybe you’re single and make puking faces every time you see Valentine’s Day advertisement or a PDA? Or perhaps you refuse to celebrate valentine’s day because you think that your significant other should be celebrated every day and not just during this designated marketing ploy of a date. Well, if you or your significant other has a ring on their left finger, or if you celebrate Christmas with the buying of presents brought to you by a fat man dressed in Red, you’ve already lost that argument to De Beers and Coca Cola, you might as well submit to Valentine’s Day as well.
So, where did Valentine’s Day come from and why should you celebrate it? The origins of Valentine’s Day sound a bit raunchier than its current version originally called the Lupercalia, it was a pagan fertility festival celebrated at the onset of spring. A goat would be sacrificed to the God of Agriculture, skinned, and its hide used to chase women around and playfully slapped with. The “tagged” women would then be paired off with a man for a year where many of those pairings would end in marriage. So ultimately, Valentine’s Day is a big game of “kiss-chasey”. I think we can all get behind that!
If the goat hide doesn’t tempt you to celebrate, then perhaps this next bold idea will. Instead of celebrating someone else, why not celebrate yourself during Valentine’s? There would be far less resistance and grumbling involved if the end intended recipient of your gift was yourself. We all know how to make ourselves happy and as long as we remember two very important criteria, this should be a foolproof method that shouldn’t leave you in the dog house by your partner.
1) Keep it sensual and
2) Include them in your plans.
Easy.
So, if steak and footy is your dream date, then switch it up to naked steak and a game of naked backyard footy – yes! If watching a marathon of Seinfeld makes you sploosh, then switch it up to a night of Strip Seinfeld Trivia – Oh yes! Or maybe you love fishing? Then maybe put a worm at the end of your dick and slap them in the face with it…. Oh wait, I got confused with the goat hide slapping there… but you get my point.
And while we’re on the topic of dressing up the penis, why not celebrate yourself this Valentine’s Day and buy yourself a WoodHood. Every man deserves to be celebrated, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day. Happy Lupercalia.
Thwap. Thwap.
