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John the Pirate

John the Pirate

Relationship Status: Single - but always with a bevy of wenches - no one can tie him down.

Interests: Plundering booty, engaging with wenches, brothels, drunken fights with gangs but never with his friends, cleaning the deck, fishing, adventuring, drinking.

John is good friends with Woody. They met one night at a bar where they had a great drunken conversation about fishing and boating knots. They like to fish and drink. John generally gets on with the whole gang as he is often drunk and happy or too drunk to care where he thinks everyone is hilarious. When the gang goes out fishing, they all go out on the John’s boat, however John does more drinking than fishing.

John often disappears for months without a word to anyone to go on adventures and when he comes back, it’s always a great excuse for a welcome home party. Sometimes his pirate explorations are not just overseas, but over the internet where he illegally downloads movies and music. You’d typically find John searching and downloading his favorite shows and movies on streaming sites such as Rick and Morty and Pirates of the Caribbean. John is always full of fascinatingly wild stories and near death adventures.

What's John's stance on politics you ask? John is anti-democracy, doesn’t believe in money. He thinks all governments are corrupt and that the people should take control over their actions. He strongly fights against the idea of obtaining a boat license, fishing license or anything of that matter where the government imposes strict rules just so they can make more money.

World View - John hates the European Colonial powers who profess to be honourable (i.e. The honourable east india company) but plunder and destroy the native people of the world. John believes he is restoring balance by stealing from European trade ships.

John the Pirate Quotes:

“If I had the money I’d pay for it, but I don’t so I’m not going to.”

“I’m not stealing its sharing.”

“They lie about stealing, at least I’m honest about it.”

Typical stories/ discussions John tells:

  •       His exploration to download Pirates of the Caribbean 4 for hours. He watched it. Concluded it didn’t have the spirit of 1 and 2 and it was a cynical money grab. This then leads to political pirate stories about money and its irrelevancy.
  •       John and Woody get into topics about the ocean and its global changes due to global warming and their ideas to explore Mars. They love watching Rick and Morty and always debrief for about an hour after each episode to discuss the metaphors and parallels to common day.
  •       Topics about “moonshiners” and his explorations of making his own rum out of the bottom deck of his boat. You may find John selling this illegally to other captains or merchants of the sea, with a small fee of a long conversation with how John made the rum and how his rum is the best of the best.  
  •       The numerous stories about how he, the captain, saved his crew and his boat over 20 times and believes his head cap is not just a head cap, but has contributed to his successful rescues.

Capture John in his finest attire HERE.